After 6 months and over 7000 noses. We have learned a lot about the fuzzy Q-tip thing that goes up your nose and truthfully our S.W.A.B. team is the best in the state of Nayarit. Our swabs reach from Sayulita to San Pancho, Punta de Mita and beyond!
We actually love to swab, seriously we do. It is kinda strange and truly all of our staff are slightly weird but they are also very professional and extremely funny. How can we not be? We swab people’s noses for a living? However, we have also figured out that really our job (other then the swab) is to get our clients on the plane and make their holiday stress free! This is why our testing is super fast, efficient and gentle. We want you to enjoy your holiday and not be stressed about your swab results.
All of our swabbers from our nurses to our coordinators and including our letter senders are hyper organized and specialize in hilarious and efficient customer services. So, even if you get to the airport margarita in hand after an all nighteryand can not open your email to find your letter. We will and have found a way to get your letter to the airline check in girl! We do not recommend not being able to open your email at the airport but we do recommend lots of tequila! (just maybe not that much)!
Here are the Top 5 Swab Questions:
- Will the swab go all the way to my brain? No, we actually want you to keep your brain cells and we only need your nose boggers. Our professional nurses are super gentle, non invasive and they are very funny. This will be your best swab experience!
Tip: Clean your nose! Blow your nose prior to swabbing it makes the process easier and your eyes will not water as much!
- How fast will I get my results?: FAST…FAST like swab lightening! The testing process only takes 15 minutes. However, the professional lab paper work does require a few hours. Your results will be delivered via email in 3 to 5 hours of your testing.
Tip: Due to Mexican internet servers and new spam restrictions, you might not receive our email. Please check your spam folder before messaging us and also make sure your inbox if not full! If you have an .edu email please use an alternate email and this email provider will not accept emails from our Mexican internet provider.
- Do I need to make an appointment? You betcha! We freakin LOVE people who have their SH$%&! Together. For real, you need to plan ahead and you need to book online!
Why? Well to be honest we do not want to be responsible for making a mistake. It is all on you baby! We ask all our clients to book into our online system and enter their personal passport information. The information you enter is automatically transferred to your flight letter. If you make a boo boo (and we don’t catch it)? Ouch, you ain’t gonna get on the plane. NO SWAB JOKE!
Tip#1: Don’t book your online covid appt when you are drinking tequila! Mucho Mucho mal!
Tip #2: Bring your passport to your swab appointment you will be asked to verify your information.
Tip #3: READ THE BOOKING INSTRUCTIONS: persons who do not read will be fined $1 million swabs! Refer to tip #1 do not book while drinking! Every person…yup that includes your kids, husband, grandmother has to make a separate appointment. One appt, one name, one passport information. Guess what! If you book 5 appointments in your name….we will cancel 4 of them! NO SWAB JOKE!
- Do we take walkin’s? Yes, we do. BUT WHY would you want to stand inline when you could be at the beach or drinking a margarita? DUH! Book online! Then you can arrive and get tested in 5 min. Our walk-in line is usually 15 min to 45 min long.
Tip: If you really have your SH$%&! Together and there is 4 or more of you in your group book our swab team to come to you! Our expert on-site swabbers can come to your rental property swab everyone super fast and you can be drinking your margarita and floating in your pool all at the same time!
- Do you swab in the mouth! Yuppers, we do for very special people! The most special are the kiddies. We want all little people to be happy and not freak out about the swab! WE HAVE A NEGITIVE SWAB “FREAK OUT” POLICY! So for this reason children are tested in the mouth. The other special people are the ones with personal nose issues, those people can request a mouth swab prior to their testing.
Why do you pay us the BIG PESOS!
Honestly, you can always find a cheaper test BUT…Do you want to stand in line for hours? Do you want to miss your flight? Do you want to produce a letter at check in that is invalid? Do you want to not receive a letter and have no person to call? Do you want to receive a wrong result? If you test positive, do you want to know that we can offer you support for your extended holiday?
These are the BIG PESO QUESTIONS? Do you seriously want to screw up your holiday just to save $30 bucks?
Our S.W.A.B team may be totally hilarious but we take your holiday, your flight and the swab seriously! We get you on the plane!
We at team S.W.A.B. encourage you to soak up the sun, drink margaritas and leave the testing to us.
Just a few tips…literally to go with the Q-tip!
Written by
Marjie Martini
Queen of the Q-tip